I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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