Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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