i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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