What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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