yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
