Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
