you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
