areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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