I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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