i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
