Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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