I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
