I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
