I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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