he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
