dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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