somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think my tv is drunk
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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