Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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