working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
