at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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