how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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