And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
