Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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