You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
