it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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