FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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