Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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