dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
