Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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