I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
