Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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