do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
