you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i out mim tonsoeep
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