I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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