ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im holly from the hills drunk
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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