Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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