lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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