the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
But we have bathrooms and they dont
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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