Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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