did you get engaged???
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
