how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
