tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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