**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
