you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
