I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
jump out the window naked night went bad
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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