my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
