YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
