i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
