I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
