she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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