the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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