Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
