I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she told me i tasted like america
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
