He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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