Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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