Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
