I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
