My nipple is on Facebook.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
