sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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