i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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