I am in a vortex of obligation.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
