Kiss
Puke
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
